With my eyes closed, I try to calm my mind to see His beauty.
There are times in my life when I KNOW I've seen glimpses. In Africa, when the city's lights went out, and the sky exploded in stars, unfazed by our manufactured light. Standing in the downpour spray of Victoria Falls. On my knees beside the bed, bawling in the darkest night, desperate for help only He could give…
I have beautiful images in the library of my mind I can flip through, singing about the beauty of God. But Sunday, standing in church, none of my regular pictures felt like they fit the cry of my heart to see Him rightly, just as He is. I shook my head to clear distractions. What was wrong? Why couldn't I connect with Jesus in this moment of asking to see Him?
I was distracted by random thoughts from the day before. We had gone down to the river, and several guys were fishing off the dock. One, in particular, caught my attention. He was young, in a wheelchair, and clearly struggled with various issues. His friends, at one point, pushed him up the ramp, and an almost empty liter of vodka rolled off his lap. They chased it, handed it back to him, and kept pushing. We smiled at each other and exchanged pleasantries, but nothing was impactful enough to leave a lasting impression that would creep into my 'looking for Jesus' beauty' cries the next morning.
I thought about the guy at the gas station who stumbled into my car when we stopped for a coke. He was clearly lost in the chaos going on in his mind, utterly unaware that he was running into a stranger's car. God, why do these men keep popping up in my mind?
"They're my beauty. You asked to see it."
The beauty of God: knit into the least of these. The beauty of God: woven into people who have lost hope. The beauty of God: tucked away in each heart He allows to beat. Do I see it? Lives He sees as worth dying for and asks me to show them the way. How often do I miss it? How often does His beauty get coated in sin, pain, and hopelessness? Each soul, each life--glimpses of His beauty surround me if I only take the time to look a little deeper and allow Him to change my perspective.
Jesus, I am so sorry for the times I look at your beauty with contempt. I'm so sorry for being quick to judge and quick to dismiss. I'm so sorry for not being curious and eagerly anticipating what unique combination of the Father people who cross my path may need help to see in themselves. Help me have a new perspective. I don't want to miss a chance to see Your beauty in Your creation.
Song: "Come and Behold" by Maverick City Music.